Memories have power. They can slide in from left field with no warning, evoking intense emotions and leave you in a completely different space, whether uplifted or flat on the floor in a puddle of tears. I saw a photo this morning of one of my children as a baby. It triggered a chain reaction … Continue reading In the spirals of my mind
Tag: Narcissist
Man plans, God laughs
This is not the post that I was planning on writing today. What I was going to write about is how going on a few dates has left me feeling off-kilter and my senses spinning like they have been assaulted. How a number of men portray themselves as one thing, but when you meet them, … Continue reading Man plans, God laughs
There is No Win
Coming out of this relationship feels like there is no win. I am stuck to my ex as we have a business together and children together. I am unable to quit from the business as it funds my life and my half of the kids expenses. Because of the children, I see him on a … Continue reading There is No Win
Gaslighting
I had an epiphany over the weekend. I have always been obsessed with finding out the facts of what happened when there has been a problem; who was responsible for causing the issue where applicable; then finally trying to piece everything together to get as close to the truth as possible. The facts are important … Continue reading Gaslighting
And then there was one
Here I sit, two weeks post-divorce, wondering what the hell happened. There were so many people that told me it was a time for celebration, but it didn't feel like that for me. I felt the sting of the loss of the hopes and dreams I had had for this relationship. I felt the weight … Continue reading And then there was one
Isolation and Loneliness
Isolation and loneliness can go hand-in-hand, depending on the circumstances. In my life, I have had plenty of both, sometimes at the same time. With both a neglectful, narcissistic mother and an ex who had very similar traits, I was in the "perfect" position to keenly feel both of these. My mother abandoned me by … Continue reading Isolation and Loneliness
Bent or Broken?
I was listening to Just Give Me A Reason by P!nk this morning. I paid attention to the lyrics more than usual today. There are two lines which go: " Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough Just a second we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again". … Continue reading Bent or Broken?
Tired of Being Tired
I am not alone with the struggle of not being good enough. It is a repeated theme in conversations that I am privy to and seems to touch humans in general in some way or another. Sometimes it is big - a deep-seated belief of being completely unworthy of love or any form of kindness … Continue reading Tired of Being Tired
Pain
Pain comes in many sizes, shapes and forms. Mine is typically emotional. I fortunately have a very high physical pain threshold. This has served me well as I have popped out four kids and torn on each delivery. No, I didn't feel it at the time. Yes, I recovered. No, I don't have a floppy … Continue reading Pain
Elevenses in Cape Town 