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Elevenses in Cape Town

Musings on life, abuse, marriage, divorce and anything in between

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Category: Uncategorized

Living in a Box

I feel like I am living in a glass box. Out of one side, I see work, work and more work; on the next side are my children; the third view is domesticity (household chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc); and the fourth is my ex. There is a lid on the top which prevents … Continue reading Living in a Box →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized Leave a comment October 9, 2022 2 Minutes

I was such a failure

July is a tough month for me. Particularly mid-month as it is a time where certain events played out and didn't go according to plan. It was traumatic and I struggle to put it behind me. The body keeps the score - it remembers the trauma. This year I didn't take note of the date … Continue reading I was such a failure →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized Leave a comment July 22, 2022 2 Minutes

In the spirals of my mind

Memories have power. They can slide in from left field with no warning, evoking intense emotions and leave you in a completely different space, whether uplifted or flat on the floor in a puddle of tears. I saw a photo this morning of one of my children as a baby. It triggered a chain reaction … Continue reading In the spirals of my mind →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized Leave a comment May 12, 2022 3 Minutes

I don’t know how I feel

Well, the title about covers it. I don't know how I feel. I have been trying to work it out for about a week now and I can't pinpoint it. I don't feel the desperate nothingness and crushing solitude of being at the bottom of a depressive episode. There is not a calm and restful … Continue reading I don’t know how I feel →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized Leave a comment March 28, 2022 3 Minutes

The light at the end of the tunnel

I sometimes like to lie on the grass outside my house and gaze up into the trees, watching the leaves moving in the breeze, observing any clouds floating by and listening to the sounds around me. It gives me breathing room on days that are often busy and involve too much looking at a laptop. … Continue reading The light at the end of the tunnel →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized Leave a comment December 28, 2021 6 Minutes

I want to be the train wreck

I am sad. I am angry. I am hurting. I am anxious. I don't know if my anxiety is driving my stress or my stress is driving my anxiety. I want to be nurtured without having to give something back. I don't have the capacity to give anyone anything. I want a hug to feel … Continue reading I want to be the train wreck →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized 2 Comments November 11, 2021 3 Minutes

Edges

Life is not a soft, gentle place. It is full of hard edges, bumps and dark places where you can fall off the cliff. There is no respite as long as you continue to breathe. And in my experience, if you think you have found a soft landing, you can be assured that there are … Continue reading Edges →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized Leave a comment September 26, 2021 2 Minutes

Man plans, God laughs

This is not the post that I was planning on writing today. What I was going to write about is how going on a few dates has left me feeling off-kilter and my senses spinning like they have been assaulted. How a number of men portray themselves as one thing, but when you meet them, … Continue reading Man plans, God laughs →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized Leave a comment September 5, 2021 5 Minutes

Nothing going on here

My Dad lied. There were the white lies, the bald-faced lies and lying by omission. His ultimate goal when we were growing up was to keep the peace, no matter what the cost. So he told porkies. Sometimes they were to cover up his mistakes; sometimes they were to keep us kids from my mother's … Continue reading Nothing going on here →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized Leave a comment August 20, 2021 3 Minutes

I just want to breathe

I feel like I have an iron band around my chest. I want to breathe in deeply and flex everything that I can to burst the band. It is oppressive and causes me to feel like I cannot properly catch my breath. I desperately want to shed it, like sloughing off dead skin. But I … Continue reading I just want to breathe →

bulawayogirl Uncategorized 4 Comments August 20, 2021 2 Minutes

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