I have needed to make a decision. One that should be simple enough but is so loaded with emotions that the simplicity has splintered into a million pieces. It all began with an offer to go and visit my parents, with the ticket and travel bought and arranged for me. My immediate response was an … Continue reading Anger
Music has been my company for almost everything in my life, whether it evokes people, places, emotions or events for me. My earliest memory of music which I loved was the Ipi 'Ntombi album, specifically the song The Warrior, where I adored the strong drumming and it instilled a life-long love in me of a … Continue reading Why fight?
A while back, I read a book called Get Me Out of Here by Rachel Reiland. It is a book about the author's journey with borderline personality disorder. When I read it, I really resonated with much of the book - the thinking and the desperation and the hopelessness and unworthiness and more. I subsequently … Continue reading First, do no harm
It's been a year since the Covid pandemic truly took hold. It's been a year since I had Covid. It's been a year since SA lockdown started. It's been a year since my business stopped making money. It's been a year since I hit one of my two darkest depressions to date. Time is a … Continue reading It’s been one year, more or less
What does depression look like on a person? Is it moping around feeling sorry for yourself? Is it wishing that things were different? Is it a pity play? Is it hoping that someone, anyone, will come and rescue you? Is it something that you can snap out of? Is it really a disease or is … Continue reading What is this thing you call depression?
I feel like I am living in a suspension. A particle not dissolved in the solvent. Floating for eternity, going in no particular direction and with no ability to move in one. A tiny blob at the mercy of whatever or whoever is agitating the mixture at their whim. There is a lack of predictability … Continue reading Oblivion
The last few years, especially the last 18 months, have been about letting go. Letting go of people, freedoms, relationships, finances, work, places, things, notions, concepts and ideas. For someone in a rocky place to begin with, lockdowns and restrictions slammed me hard against the wall. But let's go back just a little, prior to … Continue reading Letting Go
Have you ever stopped to consider your body? I mean really consider it. The way it does hundreds of things with no conscious thought. How it keeps you alive by breathing and keeping your heart beating and blood pumping. How does it know how to heal that scrape or infection? Where did the knowledge come … Continue reading Mind Over Body, or is it?
Recovery and Serenity can be as fleeting as clouds I think that I let my guard down and became lax - lackadaisical that is; carelessly lazy. I let a couple of months of respite from the roller-coaster ride I have been on for the last number of years, lull me into a sense of full … Continue reading The Thinnest of Skins
I recently burnt my wrist on the oven. I was in a hurry to get food out of it as I had forgotten the time and was concerned that it might be burnt or at least dried out. In my haste, I didn't bend down quite far enough and the top of my wrist pushed … Continue reading New Skin