Putting on Big Girl’s Panties

I do not like big girl’s panties. They bring up the image of very large, beige, fun-free panties. Perhaps they would be the ones you would wear as period panties. They are meant to symbolise getting on with life and not whining and complaining. They are an indication that you are supposed to be an adult and behave like a mature and sensible one.

When dealing with your narcissist, you need to put these on more often than you would like to admit. They drag you down to their level, if you let them. They mess with your mind and taunt your emotions. And when you have children with them, you have to deal with them on almost a daily basis, even if you don’t live with your children’s other parent any more. I find myself having to “suck up” situations frequently – such as surviving the glorification of the father at his house. He organised his son’s birthday party this year and all I heard about was what a marvellous job he had done. Which is super if it comes from outsiders, but makes me feel green when it only comes from his mouth. Then there is the fact that the party was not at all what his son wanted and so the boy was in tears three quarters of the way through the event and desperate to leave, which I facilitated.

I’m not going to lie – I did not want to go to the party and it took an Urbanol, a glass of wine and a gin and tonic to get me there. As well as much pep talk to myself about how sad my boy would be if I wasn’t there and then eventually heaving a very big sigh and putting on my big girl’s panties.

I ran the gauntlet of in-laws and my ex’s friends. The ones who don’t know or ignore the reality. The ones who think that I have thrown away the best thing that ever happened to me. The ones that don’t have a clue. And while there are two sides to every story with the truth somewhere in the middle, I think that the bare facts often speak for themselves. The partner who did not show up for many years – not physically, not emotionally, not spiritually.

Sometimes the foetal position is so much more attractive than big girl’s panties.

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