Or, at least, there I was. Stuck in what felt like an infinite time-loop continuum. Going from being told I was crazy and needed help, to feeling like I was indeed crazy and needed help and then thinking, (rightfully), that perhaps I am actually relatively normal and it's the other party who needs the help, … Continue reading And There We Were…
Hope springs eternal
Hope versus reality. That little flicker, that tiny spark, that burns away in the corner of your mind that THIS time, things will be different. This is the time that the pattern will change. This time they will find their inner humanity and empathy and behave differently. If I had a penny for each time … Continue reading Hope springs eternal
Triggered
I was feeling anxious this evening. My partner was not himself and I could feel that he was emotionally low. The situation was making me stressed and even when he had explained the way he was feeling, which had nothing to do with me or anything I had said or done, I still felt my … Continue reading Triggered
Living in a Box
I feel like I am living in a glass box. Out of one side, I see work, work and more work; on the next side are my children; the third view is domesticity (household chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc); and the fourth is my ex. There is a lid on the top which prevents … Continue reading Living in a Box
I was such a failure
July is a tough month for me. Particularly mid-month as it is a time where certain events played out and didn't go according to plan. It was traumatic and I struggle to put it behind me. The body keeps the score - it remembers the trauma. This year I didn't take note of the date … Continue reading I was such a failure
In the spirals of my mind
Memories have power. They can slide in from left field with no warning, evoking intense emotions and leave you in a completely different space, whether uplifted or flat on the floor in a puddle of tears. I saw a photo this morning of one of my children as a baby. It triggered a chain reaction … Continue reading In the spirals of my mind
I don’t know how I feel
Well, the title about covers it. I don't know how I feel. I have been trying to work it out for about a week now and I can't pinpoint it. I don't feel the desperate nothingness and crushing solitude of being at the bottom of a depressive episode. There is not a calm and restful … Continue reading I don’t know how I feel
The light at the end of the tunnel
I sometimes like to lie on the grass outside my house and gaze up into the trees, watching the leaves moving in the breeze, observing any clouds floating by and listening to the sounds around me. It gives me breathing room on days that are often busy and involve too much looking at a laptop. … Continue reading The light at the end of the tunnel
I want to be the train wreck
I am sad. I am angry. I am hurting. I am anxious. I don't know if my anxiety is driving my stress or my stress is driving my anxiety. I want to be nurtured without having to give something back. I don't have the capacity to give anyone anything. I want a hug to feel … Continue reading I want to be the train wreck
Edges
Life is not a soft, gentle place. It is full of hard edges, bumps and dark places where you can fall off the cliff. There is no respite as long as you continue to breathe. And in my experience, if you think you have found a soft landing, you can be assured that there are … Continue reading Edges
Man plans, God laughs
This is not the post that I was planning on writing today. What I was going to write about is how going on a few dates has left me feeling off-kilter and my senses spinning like they have been assaulted. How a number of men portray themselves as one thing, but when you meet them, … Continue reading Man plans, God laughs
Elevenses in Cape Town 