Or, at least, there I was. Stuck in what felt like an infinite time-loop continuum. Going from being told I was crazy and needed help, to feeling like I was indeed crazy and needed help and then thinking, (rightfully), that perhaps I am actually relatively normal and it's the other party who needs the help, … Continue reading And There We Were…
Control
Control: the power to influence or direct people's behaviour or the course of events. Control shows up in in different ways - being controlled by another; controlling someone else; or controlling the events in your own life. Having been controlled by my ex and my mother for years, being subjected to manipulation and the other … Continue reading Control
There is No Win
Coming out of this relationship feels like there is no win. I am stuck to my ex as we have a business together and children together. I am unable to quit from the business as it funds my life and my half of the kids expenses. Because of the children, I see him on a … Continue reading There is No Win
Hidden Pain
Sometimes the things that come for free are the hardest to obtain. Love, respect, honesty, friendship. In my line of work, I am entering the busiest time of year and with that comes the handling of clients with complaints. As with all of these, some of these are unfounded complaints and others are legitimate. Either … Continue reading Hidden Pain
Serenity – the elusive butterfly
I started this post in the middle of last week and then just didn't finish it. My original thought was to post on the serenity that I am finding more and more often. Then that serenity disappeared in a puff of smoke - burned by the demands of work; the busy times with children; a … Continue reading Serenity – the elusive butterfly
Gaslighting
I had an epiphany over the weekend. I have always been obsessed with finding out the facts of what happened when there has been a problem; who was responsible for causing the issue where applicable; then finally trying to piece everything together to get as close to the truth as possible. The facts are important … Continue reading Gaslighting
The Flats
There is a certain calm that the ocean provides for me. The breaking of the waves is hypnotic to watch. The way the water swirls and eddies around rocks and gracefully retreats back down the sand or catches you unaware as it flows in. Add to this the changing colours of the sea; the way … Continue reading The Flats
And then there was one
Here I sit, two weeks post-divorce, wondering what the hell happened. There were so many people that told me it was a time for celebration, but it didn't feel like that for me. I felt the sting of the loss of the hopes and dreams I had had for this relationship. I felt the weight … Continue reading And then there was one
Strength. Or lack of it.
Where to from here? This reverberates around my brain often. Which step to take next. Which direction to follow. Which idea to chase down. Which memory to put into perspective. What will be of benefit? What will help me most? What will help my kids most? I find it difficult to distinguish the "right" way … Continue reading Strength. Or lack of it.
Sufficient
Is there ever a time when we feel that we are enough, just as we are? I don't feel sufficient. My mother told me I was not; my husband told me I was not; I had a string of boyfriends that cheated on me and told me implicitly that I was not enough. Is it that … Continue reading Sufficient
Who?
I think I have mentioned before that I find myself feeling isolated when others are getting together with family and friends and I am not involved in something similar. A Christmas or Easter alone or a birthday or whatever it may be. Yes, I can entertain myself by going out to a place of distraction, … Continue reading Who?
